BlackHUMOR – Older

 A BKNT – BRAVO ZULU “HERO-GRAM” sent to our friends over
at  VeriSEAL.org elicited the following reply:
 

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“NEVER TEXT WHILE TEXTING…”

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 always wore the pants in that family…
BlackPTSDHUMOR
EW/355; US/1;ATTN:
Definitely
PSTP, em..I  mean ESTPm.  NO…PYBT…ah. PTSD?  Definatly…
 

Secret Service Agents Returning from Columbia…

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Sent:
Saturday, January 28, 2006 4:50 PM
To: BlackNET1
Subject: BKNT–BlackSnakeHUMOR
NavySEALs.com
US/1; US/60; Unknown LE
AN
ANALYSIS OF US LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES UPON ENCOUNTERING A VENOMOUS SNAKE
WITHIN THEIR JURISDICTION
1. FBI:
Searches for but cannot locate snake. After snake is caught by the local
police, FBI forms a Snake Task Force of 150 agents, sets up a command
center, holds press conference and  assumes credit for capture of [a]
snake.
2. USSS (Secret Service):
Forms a protective ring of agents around snake and escorts to a safe area.

3. ATF:
Sends SRT team to arrest snake; they expend all of their ammo, then burn the
forest down killing the snake and other local fauna. At a
Congressional inquiry makes a presentation on why additional funding is
required to properly train agents how to battle the threat of snakes.

4. TSA:
Abides by Congressional ruling to prevent “profiling” of venomous
snakes, which requires  “random” snake inspections. Venomous
snake escapes while TSA officials strip-search non-venomous species.

5. IRS-CID:
Performs an in-depth investigation of the snake and writes a 100-page summary
of why the  snake should not be prosecuted. The investigation is
closed and all agents are out of the office by 4:30 pm.

6.  ICE:
After obtaining permission from the BPA, CBP, FBI, FPS, IRS, FINCEN, DEA, ATF,
FAMS, FEMA,  and the Girl Scouts of America, they mail the snake a
notice to appear on a specified date for a status hearing. Snake
never responds and is promptly forgotten.

7. DEA:
Initiates a Title 3 and an MLAT investigation on the snakes cell phone after
discovering that  the above agencies have begun an investigation on the
snake. Spends $3M to discover the snake is not Colombian.

8. U.S. Attorney’s Office:
Declines prosecution out of “professional courtesy.” 
 

9. USBP (Border Patrol)
Captures snake.  Cannot communicate
with snake resulting in recruitment drive for snake handlers.  Takes snake
back to border (for the 4th time).
10.  Sheriff’s Office
Shoots snake after driving over it several
times.  Puts snake in another City Police Officer’s car while parked in
jail parking area. 
INTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY (IC)
SNAKE ANALYSIS INTER-AGENCY REVIEW COMMITTEE (NIC/IC-SA/I-ARC)
CIA-DO: Recruits snake.
Intelligence Medals awarded.
CIA-CTC: Retracts previous snake
‘threat indicator’ cover sheet from snake 201 file.
CIA-DI: Disputes snake ID; files
complaint that snake intelligence is being “politicized.”
STATE: Mexico Desk cables
missive on Mexican snake policy: REF: DNI cable ‘What snake?’
DNI: What snake?
NSA: No one is ‘cleared’ high
enough to be briefed on ANY snake SIGINT, or even the fact that they may not
actually have any.
Congressional Oversight
Committees: Hold closed snake hearings; ‘deplore’ coming snake epidemic and
demand NSA institute ‘crash’ snake handler language program.
FBI: Launches investigation of
possible CIA-DI leak of ‘classified’ undercover snake ID to NYT.
NYT: Editorial demands ‘Open’
Congressional hearings and a Special Prosecutor.
WHITE HOUSE: Stonewalls; claims
FISA foreign snake exemption.
INDEPENDENT COUNSEL appointed.
Reporter Bob Woodard goes to
jail to protect the snake…
[US/1]
[Information contained in BKNT E-mail is considered
Attorney-Client and Attorney Work Product privileged, copyrighted and
confidential. Views that may be expressed are those of the author(s) and do not
necessarily reflect those of any government, agency, or news organization.]
[Information contained in BKNT E-mail is considered
Attorney-Client and Attorney Work Product privileged, copyrighted and
confidential. Views that may be expressed are those of the author(s) and do not
necessarily reflect those of any government, agency, or news organization.]

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